LOVE & MONEY IN NOLA ------- CHAPTERS 5 & 6

Chapter 5

      I awakened the next morning and the sun met me, shining bright through my blinds begging me to get up and start my day. Rolling onto the edge of my bed and looking in my dresser mirror directly ahead of me, I couldn’t help but notice how disheveled I looked. Life was truly beginning to take its toll on me and it was showing through my appearance. Someone told me a long time ago “you don’t have to look like what you’re going through”. With that being said, I was determined to make the most of this day.

      I showered with my Japanese Cherry Blossom fragrance which I loved because it lit up the house like a scented candle. Throwing on something light because of the extreme heat outside, I jog downstairs and collect the mail that had been slipped through the slot in the door. Sorting through it all I noticed it was mostly junk mail and bills. What’s new? My phone rang catching me off guard. The ringtone was let me love you down by Ready for the World, so I already knew it was Keno. I don’t know why but I answered it; we hadn’t spoken in a few days so I guess I could see what new lies or excuses he had to throw my way.

“Hello”, I answered nonchalantly. “Hey to you too baby”. “I’m not your baby anymore so cut it out. What do you want Kee?” “I want you. I’m so sorry for the way that shit happened. I told her I didn’t want you to find out that way, to let me do it; but she wasn’t having it. Janae you know I love you. I’m man enough to admit I fucked up so let me fix it.” I let a few minutes of silence fill the air before answering him. “Keno, you put me through so much shit. When we happy, nothing else matters but when shit is sour its sour. It’s always hot or cold with you and I’m beyond tired of it. You don’t give me what I need and all I require is consistency and loyalty but you allow your penis to think for you instead of your brain.” Not realizing how angry I was, I hung up the phone after finishing what I had to say. The phone rang again no sooner than I hung up. “Why’d you do that? Never mind. I deserve it plus more. Can you come over so we can talk? Please! I’m begging you. Don’t say no!” “I’ll think about it,” and with that I hung up for the final time.

Chapter 6

      My baby was finally getting washed and detailed after an entire month of neglect. I had been so busy and frustrated that I was riding around in what resembled a dusty box car. I was at Al and Al’s One Stop Shop in the Hollygrove neighborhood about 4 to 5 miles from Keno’s place. I feel stupid for even thinking about going to see him after what happened but a major part of me wanted to see his face; to believe that everything was a lie. But in my heart I knew it was true and it had to be dealt with. I rode way from this son and pop shop in a vehicle that looked like it had just rolled off the lot.

      I headed North following LA-3139N, the shortest distance to Peppertree Apartments from Al’s. The ride took me about eleven minutes being that traffic was light. I pulled next to his 1991 Acura Legend and killed the engine. I sat in the car for a second preparing myself for whatever would happen once I got inside his apartment. Grabbing my purse and keys I took my time walking to his door. By the time I raised my fist to knock on his door, he opened it all smiles. I walked past him rolling my eyes, clearly bothered by his cockiness. I sat on the edge of the couch with my arms folded, never sitting my things down.

      “Make yourself comfortable; mi casa su casa”. “Look Keno, I didn’t come over here for your little jokes and games. Whats up?” “If you get any colder, I’d need a jacket on just to look at you”, he replied. “Ok, ok. I know you’re mad at me but you must have some love for me left because you came and that’s all that matters. I apologize for my wrong. I want you, not these other hoes. I wanted her to have an abortion but then I thought about it; that’s my seed that didn’t ask to be here so I have to lay down in the bed that I made. I just hope that you can forgive me enough to lay with me while I get things right.”

      I couldn’t find the words to speak because I was so choked up from the tears that had welled in my eyes. I tried so hard not to allow him to see me at such a vulnerable moment but I was so confused. I love him more than I love life at times but I couldn’t let him think that hurting me was ok. That he could step out, have a baby and I’d just come running back to him. I don’t operate like that, but at this very moment all I know is that I am torn. Keno wiped my tears from my eyes and held my face in his hands. As I stared into the windows of his soul I could see remorse and regret and it is for that reason that I allowed him to have me; right there in his living room on the floor. He made love to me as I ached; to be his only one, to be stronger, to let him go. Just for a moment my thoughts ran away from me as I ran towards an orgasm.

      We laid tangled up in each other and my web of emotions afterwards not saying a word to one another. I guess he was afraid to speak for fear of me getting up and leaving or he was exhausted and simply had nothing further to say. All I knew was, when I was in his arms I felt like nothing happened and nothing mattered. While he was my destruction at the same time he was my place of refuge.